OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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