i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
