After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
