Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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