I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
