nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
