I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
