Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
