I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
