He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
