So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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