that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
