How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
