just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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