Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
