i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
