There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
