I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
