Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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