I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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