I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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