A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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