She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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