How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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