But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
