Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
