this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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