I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
