i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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