Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
