I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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