Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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