remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
