I looked at my own cervix.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
