..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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