Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
