the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
