dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i now understand why vodka
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
