That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
