Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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