Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
