WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
