she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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