well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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