Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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