I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
