he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
