Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
