it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
