While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
